Self-Defense Among Friends

A good friend and I were talking the other day. He and I are both in the Coast Guard and I have known him for a few years. ~Anyway~ We were talking and he made a comment that he once heard someone say that the only reason women join the military was to meet men. Then, he AGREED with it! I was little taken back, but still quick on my feet to defend myself. I met my husband in the Coast Guard and I dated a few Coasties before I met him. In other words, I have dated men I met through the military. I spouted off that it wasn't true and moved on in the conversation. A while later, alone, and unable to sleep, his comment still nagged at me. Well, I was on duty, and the beds are not Hilton hotel quality, but his comment definitely aided in my wakefulness. I wondered how many people had thoughts like his. Those attitudes are around more than I cared to acknowledge before that night. I wondered how many of my sisters in the military were dealing with the same stereo types. I thought about my reasons for joining and how belittled they were by such a widespread mentality. Many of my reasons were purely selfish. I wanted out of New Orleans. I wanted to go places and to do things. I wanted money for college. I wanted a job I could be proud of. On the other hand, many of my reasons are evidence of my idealism. I joined to give back to nation that has blessed me. I wanted to honor those that had gone before me. I have always wanted to leave the world a better place than I found it. None of them had anything to do with men.
I don't want to slam my friend so I withheld his name. He is smart and he is a good person. Other than this instance I truly respect his opinions. If he believes this, how many other people think this way? I found myself defensive and worried. I was worried that my actions may have contributed to this stereotype. I thought of the other women I know in the service. Many of them are married to or dating other service members. I don't believe that supports the conclusion that all these women joined strictly to find men. I read that some overwhelming percentage of relationships begin in the work place, maybe that's why so many women in the military marry men in the military. Maybe it's all about being in the same place at the same time. Maybe these relationships grow because of shared ideals. Maybe these relationships grow because of mutual understanding of the arduousness and instability that military life can require. Maybe he was just teasing me and doesn't truly feel that way. Fat Chance, but I don't like hurt or resentment between friends so I'll give him, specifically, the benefit of the doubt. Call it self-preservation or self defense between friends. However, the comment still hit home because I think many people in our society don't respect a woman's decision to join the military. That makes me angry and frustrated. I hate dwelling on such hurtful things that I can not control. I try to look at the bright side of things. I guess with that mentality such a callous point of view can be a beautiful thing. It represents choice. It represents freedom of speech and thought, & our freedoms are the roots of the country I swore to protect against all enemies both foreign and domestic with or without a man at my side.
Y'all Take Care,
Charissa